Into His Presence...

I'm holding my pain in my hand. My anger, my hurt, my dreams, my plans for the future. I walk in through the gates, through the courtyard, through the palace halls. I come to the doors of the throne room, seeing their size, their craftsmanship, their strength. The doors open for me, and I step across the threshold. I see the light ahead, coming from the throne. He is waiting for me. I step towards him, crying in agony, for the weight of what I carry is overwhelming. He calls my name, with great gentleness and peace in his tone. His love for me and my presence is enough to make me stumble to my knees. I can see him jump off His throne and run to me, meeting me halfway, he falls on the ground beside me and wraps his arms around me, rocking my gently as I sob, holding my head to his chest. He speaks words of comfort to me. After awhile, my Lover, my King, helps me up and together we go to the throne where God the Father sits in His majesty. The Holy Spirit is there, hovering, and waiting for a word to move. God the Father smiles tenderly at me, with compassion and depth of understanding in His gaze. He sees how deeply the wounds go. He sees the motives and the cares of my heart. He sees how I have saved myself, my emotions, my love, for so many years. He seeing that I am now aching with the loss of what I have invested in.

He understands.

I desire so much to give my burdens to Him. I don't want to deal with them anymore. I don't want them to hold me back anymore. I don't want to be ashamed of my reactions and my efforts. I want to live graciously, with unconditional love and understanding.

I hold out my junk, it's so heavy and has been weighing me down all week. It has consumed my thoughts, my prayers, and my dreams. I want to get rid of it. I want to be free from this. I want to fully trust God, my Father, to do whatever He wants with it.

I kneel before the throne and lay my burden at his feet. Fear, pride, uncertainty, jealously, anger, misunderstanding, impatience, frustration, hurt, turmoil, unkindness, bitterness, judgment, pain, crushed hopes, plans, and dreams, shame, and gossip. I shake off any residue that may be left and I sit back.

He speaks to me, "You have done well, Daughter, my beloved. You have guarded yourself and loved well. You have trusted me through this and I am well pleased with your obedience. I am worthy of your trust. I worthy of your love. I am worthy to fill that place in you. You have found your completion in Me, and now you seek more. I take this burden from you, my love, and in it's place I give you my joy! Your smile is an encouragement, and is my light to the world's darkness. your pain has kept your smile from your lips, but now I restore deep joy to you. Trust me. I am faithful. I am holding your sweet life in my hands. I see the number of your days and I know what happens in all of them. My peace is for you today. My peace is for you tomorrow, and the next day, and forever. Trust that I am doing good things. I hold those who are close to you in my hand, and I am fully capable of turning their heart to you again. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Do not doubt. Take hold of my joy and sing out! Find your voice and praise me in this storm! Storm's never last forever, and I can calm it with one word. Daughter, love me. Trust me. Trust my spirit in you. Continue to be faithful to what I have for you today, right now. Forgive. Choose forgiveness. Let bitterness, jealousy, and confusion go. And forgive."

July 12, 2010